This has been a long break from blogging n stuff. Not that I didnt have time to write, just that I had started to get a feeling that blogging is just so stupid(I even almost deleted my existing blogs once).
But now here I am, alone in the hostel, nothing to do, back in the pointless thinking mode, and what better way to let all ones senseless thoughts out than to blog!
Solitude is such a strange thing, so enjoyable in the beginning, becomes unbearable after some time, and then after some even more time, one starts enjoying it again. I have entered the third phase very fast it seems, it feels so relaxing sitting in the room, doing nothing, thinking about anything and everything. There's no work to worry about, no one to bother me, i even keep my cell phone silent most of the times. My only companion these days is LAN gaming, whenever I feel I have too much on my mind, I simply buzz some people on the messenger, we arrange for a game, and believe me, everything is forgotton. How I used to find it so difficult to get things out of my mind, and now I have found the perfect solution; just a game of DOTA, and everything smokes away. Gaming is pretty much like alchohol I guess, its addictive, takes you away from everything real, and everyone but those who play say you shouldn't do it.
Now don't get me wrong here, I do like to be with friends, I am longing to meet everyone back home, but I think I somewhat understand now what people mean when they say that one should take some time out for oneself. At some level, I guess I became so involved with so many people that this sudden isolation is feeling like a welcome change, it has given me time to clear up a lot of clogs in my mind, seeing everything one at a time.
I think this will be enough for today, i really don't know whom i am addressing this blog to, coz' i really haven't put up the link to it anywhere, nor have i told many people about it, but my greetings to anyone reading it, have a nice day!
Showing posts with label my life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my life. Show all posts
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Love you Papa!!!
Since the time i remember anything about anything, there has been one constant source of inspiration for me, one ideal i have always had....my Pa. He has always been this perfect person,who is right about everything,and even if i disagree with him on many issues,somehow he still manages to sound correct(the case is just the opposite with ma :D ).
I guess most sons feel this way for their dads,the dad son relationship is a strange one.Even with so less talking(we are males afterall),there is this underlying feeling of knowing each other completely.Papa never says anything,he'll never say "don't do this,don't do that",but still i know he knows everything that is going on,and in his own subtle way,he conveys whatever he wants to say without using much of words,and that too with much greater effect than any number of words can ever say.He shows such immense trust in me that till this day the single most thing i am most fearful of is breaking his trust.If ever i manage to break this trust,only God knows how much that will pain me.
All i wish is that i live up to what he expects of me,just as people tell me today"Son,your Dad is a great man!",i wish someday he will hear the same for me.I cannot ever dream of ever repaying him back for whatever he has done,but i would so like to gift him this much that his chest swells with pride whenever he sees me.Love you Papa!!!!!
I guess most sons feel this way for their dads,the dad son relationship is a strange one.Even with so less talking(we are males afterall),there is this underlying feeling of knowing each other completely.Papa never says anything,he'll never say "don't do this,don't do that",but still i know he knows everything that is going on,and in his own subtle way,he conveys whatever he wants to say without using much of words,and that too with much greater effect than any number of words can ever say.He shows such immense trust in me that till this day the single most thing i am most fearful of is breaking his trust.If ever i manage to break this trust,only God knows how much that will pain me.
All i wish is that i live up to what he expects of me,just as people tell me today"Son,your Dad is a great man!",i wish someday he will hear the same for me.I cannot ever dream of ever repaying him back for whatever he has done,but i would so like to gift him this much that his chest swells with pride whenever he sees me.Love you Papa!!!!!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The semester that was....
Exams just got over yesterday,and with it came to an end the most sleep deprived 4 months of my life.I feel so relaxed now,it has finally ended!
After my cpi dropping by almost a whole number in the last semester,this sem brought with itself a felling of resolve(more of hope really).I entered into it with an aim of atleast getting my cpi back up in the 8 point range(cant say i tried though,but atleast i thought about it).But from the day i saw the timetable,i knew it was never going to be easy.With only 1 afternoon free in the timetable,i was beggining to wonder whether IIT has finally lifted me out of the mirage i was in.
The star attraction was surely AutoCAD,a course which was superbly designed to ensure 2-3 night-outs per week for every civilian.But it was sometimes a great help too,if anyone tried to give you any work,just say"sorry man,got a CAD submission to finish",and he will understand,pat you sympathetically on the back and say "hang in there dude,God is with you".
Now dont get me wrong here,the house I designed when completed did give me a great feeling,it was a beauty(as every mother says even for her spoilt worthless child),but come on,people make a lot of money for doing what we did,and instead we had to pay for it(not only in money,but more importantly in sleep hours).
And if we stil got time left,there was always this heap of pending lab journals to be completed,or a quiz to come.
But looking back,the courses weren't really that bad,GKS was god!!!!Prof. Sethi was the best prof i have met till date.
That reminds me,of a certain IIT Kanpur gold medalist who taught(rather dictated) water quality management to a bunch of IITians who he thought were still in 2nd grade,he actually made us buy a full workbook(and made some money there too) of fill in the blank type notes and would do nothing in class except making us either complete those or occasionally send us out of the class.I am normally against bashing of professors(even the not so good ones),but here i gladly make an exception.
So that was the last semester academically in a nutshell,there is a lot more to write but i don't want this to become so long that even i don't read it again myself.
After my cpi dropping by almost a whole number in the last semester,this sem brought with itself a felling of resolve(more of hope really).I entered into it with an aim of atleast getting my cpi back up in the 8 point range(cant say i tried though,but atleast i thought about it).But from the day i saw the timetable,i knew it was never going to be easy.With only 1 afternoon free in the timetable,i was beggining to wonder whether IIT has finally lifted me out of the mirage i was in.
The star attraction was surely AutoCAD,a course which was superbly designed to ensure 2-3 night-outs per week for every civilian.But it was sometimes a great help too,if anyone tried to give you any work,just say"sorry man,got a CAD submission to finish",and he will understand,pat you sympathetically on the back and say "hang in there dude,God is with you".
Now dont get me wrong here,the house I designed when completed did give me a great feeling,it was a beauty(as every mother says even for her spoilt worthless child),but come on,people make a lot of money for doing what we did,and instead we had to pay for it(not only in money,but more importantly in sleep hours).
And if we stil got time left,there was always this heap of pending lab journals to be completed,or a quiz to come.
But looking back,the courses weren't really that bad,GKS was god!!!!Prof. Sethi was the best prof i have met till date.
That reminds me,of a certain IIT Kanpur gold medalist who taught(rather dictated) water quality management to a bunch of IITians who he thought were still in 2nd grade,he actually made us buy a full workbook(and made some money there too) of fill in the blank type notes and would do nothing in class except making us either complete those or occasionally send us out of the class.I am normally against bashing of professors(even the not so good ones),but here i gladly make an exception.
So that was the last semester academically in a nutshell,there is a lot more to write but i don't want this to become so long that even i don't read it again myself.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
recording new lows
The other day i was going through a copy of linda goodman at a friend's room,and being a proud libran,the first sun sign i looked up to was obviously mine.Although it has always seemed to me that astrology is more an art of how to write such that everyone can relate to what is written somehow,this time i read about the "great libran deppresion" when the scales are tipped towards the wrong side of the libran mind,and i couldn't help but relate to it.
From the past 1 month things have suddenly started going wrong(or so it seems),i seem different even to myself,let alone others who keep asking "what is wrong with you dude?".Something seems awfully out of place,and the more i try to find what,the worse it becomes.Although i do think i have a fair idea of what triggered it all,but it was such a small thing that i cant believe it can affect me so heavily.More like a chain reaction i guess,one thing happening after the other,and then things that aren't really bad become great tragedies in the mind.And then then come the things which really are tragedies,and suddenly i start feeling like a helpless little nothing,unable to control anything,incapable of really helping when needed,like a straw in a bloody flooding river,going wherever it takes me.Things happen which make you feel so small,so embarrasingly insignificant,so painfully helpless,so shamefully stupid.
And now,after coming back to college,when i thought all of it would be forgotten,the thoughts still keep coming back,what with the new hostel and all friends being separated,and the "bhiini bhiini sutte ki mahek" coming from all sides of the room(it really gets into my head sometimes,though ab toh aadat si ho gayi hai),being back to blogging seems quite a relief(more like an escape really).
I have tried a lot of tricks;reading,movies,hanging out,eating out(a lot!i will officially be broke in a few days).Even sleeping,my tried and tested solution to the universe and everything,doesn't seem to be working really well these days.Such a phase has never come before in my life,lets hope the scales find their balance pretty soon.But come to think of it,i guess they have to,so cheers anyways!
From the past 1 month things have suddenly started going wrong(or so it seems),i seem different even to myself,let alone others who keep asking "what is wrong with you dude?".Something seems awfully out of place,and the more i try to find what,the worse it becomes.Although i do think i have a fair idea of what triggered it all,but it was such a small thing that i cant believe it can affect me so heavily.More like a chain reaction i guess,one thing happening after the other,and then things that aren't really bad become great tragedies in the mind.And then then come the things which really are tragedies,and suddenly i start feeling like a helpless little nothing,unable to control anything,incapable of really helping when needed,like a straw in a bloody flooding river,going wherever it takes me.Things happen which make you feel so small,so embarrasingly insignificant,so painfully helpless,so shamefully stupid.
And now,after coming back to college,when i thought all of it would be forgotten,the thoughts still keep coming back,what with the new hostel and all friends being separated,and the "bhiini bhiini sutte ki mahek" coming from all sides of the room(it really gets into my head sometimes,though ab toh aadat si ho gayi hai),being back to blogging seems quite a relief(more like an escape really).
I have tried a lot of tricks;reading,movies,hanging out,eating out(a lot!i will officially be broke in a few days).Even sleeping,my tried and tested solution to the universe and everything,doesn't seem to be working really well these days.Such a phase has never come before in my life,lets hope the scales find their balance pretty soon.But come to think of it,i guess they have to,so cheers anyways!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
jack of all trades,master of none
hi...this is my first blog,hope you like it
Well...there is this thought which keeps coming to my mind....is hardwork the most important key to success?I personally have never believed in working hard especially if i am not enjoying the work at hand,i try to do what i like the most,ie,i go by the want and not by the need as much as possible,and it even works for me.For instance,i am not saying that i dont study for exams at all and stuff like that,but i do feel i get away by studying much less than most others do.
Now,what puzzles me is that can i do better if i work really hard?Though my parents may feel otherwise,but i have tried this many times and in the end i find the result to be no better than what i would have achieved otherwise.Its like a certain level of work is set as my optimum level,if i try harder its no use at all.
So another theory which i once believed in is that of smart work.I believed i work in a much more efficient way than the normal ghodagiri way.But now i realise the fallacy of the theory,i do not do anything special,i just go through stuff without paying much attention and time to the small details,infact some of my friends have even tried my weird ways of studying,and have only managed to fail badly.
But lets take another example,i love playing sports.I started playing basketball when i was little less than 16,initially i learned really fast and found myself to be much above my friends,but as time passed on,no matter how hard i tried,i just couldn't raise my game at that rate.I loved playing,i worked hard on my game,but i felt that i was at the same level at which i would be even if i didn't try that hard.Ultimately,i shifted to football,and now i find myself going through the same story here also,i love playing,but i think i am not improving.
But saying all this,i think it would be wrong to say i put in my best,i may say i try hard at sports,but in my heart,i know i just dont try hard enough.Many a times,i think of trying new things,say a new dribbling move i saw onTV,but i simply forget about it whenever i play.There is a small flaw in my kicking with my boots on,i always think about correcting it,but whenever i go out to play,i simply forget about it.Is there a lack of seriousness in me?
Whatever it is,here i stay,without exception,in each and everything i try,as only amongst the good,never the best.Be it sports,JEE,singing,school exams,college quizzes......i always perform well,much above average,but i am never quite the best,there is always a level above me.....and i cannot get on to it,for what reasons this happens,i still dont know.
Well...there is this thought which keeps coming to my mind....is hardwork the most important key to success?I personally have never believed in working hard especially if i am not enjoying the work at hand,i try to do what i like the most,ie,i go by the want and not by the need as much as possible,and it even works for me.For instance,i am not saying that i dont study for exams at all and stuff like that,but i do feel i get away by studying much less than most others do.
Now,what puzzles me is that can i do better if i work really hard?Though my parents may feel otherwise,but i have tried this many times and in the end i find the result to be no better than what i would have achieved otherwise.Its like a certain level of work is set as my optimum level,if i try harder its no use at all.
So another theory which i once believed in is that of smart work.I believed i work in a much more efficient way than the normal ghodagiri way.But now i realise the fallacy of the theory,i do not do anything special,i just go through stuff without paying much attention and time to the small details,infact some of my friends have even tried my weird ways of studying,and have only managed to fail badly.
But lets take another example,i love playing sports.I started playing basketball when i was little less than 16,initially i learned really fast and found myself to be much above my friends,but as time passed on,no matter how hard i tried,i just couldn't raise my game at that rate.I loved playing,i worked hard on my game,but i felt that i was at the same level at which i would be even if i didn't try that hard.Ultimately,i shifted to football,and now i find myself going through the same story here also,i love playing,but i think i am not improving.
But saying all this,i think it would be wrong to say i put in my best,i may say i try hard at sports,but in my heart,i know i just dont try hard enough.Many a times,i think of trying new things,say a new dribbling move i saw onTV,but i simply forget about it whenever i play.There is a small flaw in my kicking with my boots on,i always think about correcting it,but whenever i go out to play,i simply forget about it.Is there a lack of seriousness in me?
Whatever it is,here i stay,without exception,in each and everything i try,as only amongst the good,never the best.Be it sports,JEE,singing,school exams,college quizzes......i always perform well,much above average,but i am never quite the best,there is always a level above me.....and i cannot get on to it,for what reasons this happens,i still dont know.
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